Pursuit to be a better human

I am happy man. however i do realize how inferior i am compare to other giants in my surroundings and well known historic figure.

i am an asian immigrant. 1.5 gereration. that's how the classification goes. but there is someting more deeper than this superficial fact. south korea is not th first world country. in fact, it's a country with many problems and turmoils. as a ex citizen of such a country, i cannot deny that i have a third world mentality. i am mostly too conceited to realize this or too insensative to realize this but i have so many shortcomings. a lot of my shortcomings are actually originated from my childhood upbrinings, family influences, educations and so on. being surroundedand growing up with other people with the third world mentality definately has affected me in a big way and i am still under its pervasive influence.

the recognition is nothing unless it is followed by an immidiate and effective action. actions are the only thing that matters because it directly produces the outcome. i value organization, cleaness, and learning and most important an action. i am an human organism of enlightment-tropic heuristics. these values are fundamental to my mind and these are my source of happiness. i believe that i can be a better man and i am willing to do anything to become a better man. my whole life has been a pursuit of being more complete person and this fundamental value of mine hasn't changed a bit and only has gotten stronger. i do wish to keep this belief and this is the guiding principle and happiness generating mindset.

that is why logging my life is such an important task. i am a person who take a joy from realization of long standing self improvement.

i am a happy man and i am grateful for my environment. my environment only fertilizes me and i am only willing to absorb its full nutrients. i always seek better living conditions for myself and this is going to be realized just like a self prophecy. i have a self love that goes beyond any definable limits. my self worthness is something of my own religion. i exalt my life to the fullest and enriches my life experiences every day. this is a self declaration of the worthness of my life on year 2006 august 28th on monday.

the week well spent

ok. the whole week has passed. time flies.

now i am wrtimg this again. self monitoring is so valuable. and i am doing this with my new gadget. what i need is more focus on tasks on hand. gadgets are only means. it is good olnly to the extent as a tool, but nothing more.

the growthcone tracer has got a lot more efficient and tne coding convention has established well. next week'sfocus would be making a front end and creating an interface with the microscope directly. autofocus module would work very well but one caveat is set a lower limit and don't lower it over the limit.

some rant about plenty of fish dot com

i deeply rralize that white people can be only as good as afriends but nothing more than that. if i am looking for a lover, then i would better look in my own circle. be kind to everyone but draw the line where i need to. dating with a white chick is such an impossibility. prove me wrong if you think i am crazy.


jasjar

i decided to memorize the special keys . printing takes extra efforts and it will make a mess.


about expressing myself more

feelings must be expressed. positive feelings must be expressed or negative feelings creep in. my personal choices affect everything about how i feel. only positive feelings are valuable. there is no place for negativity. a true superiorty comes from positivity. the rest is trivial.

finally the blogging time

alright! i finally blog with my pocketpc mda pro!

today's top news is i got my mda pro from the ebay. i got it around 11:30 this morning. i had to pay 51 dollar gst. so unfair!

anyways after that dustin dropped by to pickup the windows tablet ed. i tried three different versions for him and it took a lot of time. well service for my friend is something i do gladly.

after that i installed bunch of programs for my mda pro and updated the rom. the rom i chose to upgrade to is t mobile uk version. i had to use "no id" patch which bypasses the country id checking page. i thank alot to people in xda developer forum. you saved my day guys!

after that i read the singularity is near. and i went for a walk. i realized that i supress my feelings. i should be more expressive. positively expressive. i am trying to remember good memories and bring it together. good memories create a synnergy of more good memories and it requires a conscientious efforts on myside.

that is it for today and i am gonna go to work tomorrow. it's boring to stay at home all day.

tomorrow i will make a big progress at my work and after te work i will go for the big run.

haha. i am having a great weekend, thus a great life.

Keeping track of myself

I feel tired and full. But I feel refreshed after the night shower.

I watched "the footsteps of Bin Laden". Why do Arabs have so much hatred? Probably because of jealocy. Also out of control self righteousness would be another reason for their violence against themselves and others. Anyways the world has to be united under the common cause of peace, sustainable development, and democracy.

I say to myself "I feel great and confident in whatever situation and whenever and whereever !!" I am willing to do anything to make myself feel better. Whenever I feel bad, I am trying to find why I feel bad and get to the core of it. Thus I demonstrate action for caring myself. Action is the only true voice of myself. I love myself and I act to mean it.

I feel more peaceful under this new state of mind. Whenever I feel not happy for anything, I ask myself why and I act to make sure I feel GREAT and CONFIDENT. I greatly respect myself and the very belief makes me to spend my time carefully. I always spend my time for the best satisfaction of myself. I am great and I am the best. I am feeling confident whenever with whomever and wherevever and whatever I am doing. That's the fact and I act on this very belief. Self worth is one fundamental value I believe and something I pursue with the rest of my life, every second of my very existance.

New found peace

I spent most of my weekends trying to get to know myself better. I asked questions like what makes me happy? What makes me depressed? What is my goal? What do I really want to do with my life? etc...

The greatest accomplishment of this weekend is

1. Creating mindmap index of my life. It's a mindmap file that links all the considersations I have. It's a web of mindmaps of my life.

2. Shorter haircut. I look way better when I see myself. I think I look naturally better with very short hair.

3. New found confidence by "Clear Talk". I now believe that projection of my voice is the major reason of my low self esteem. I am going to talk clear and deeper like a real man. Because I'm a real man.

4. Persuit of happiness. I recorded what makes me happy and I found out that I have a tendency to be a perfectionist. I approach new things too strongly but get tired of it too soon. This is because initially I feel like conquering the task I started with but I set unreasonable goals. So I get disappointed and eventually give up. This is a recurring pattern in my behavior. I found I should say when it's "enough"

5. Defined my values. I value clean, organized, focused states. This applies to my environment, work, personal life, hygiene and pretty much everything about my life. I found when I sit up straight, it introduces these states of mind naturally, thus I can make thing more clear, organized, and focused. I also found that patience is what is required the most when it I want to persue long-term happiness. I realized short-term happiness and long-term happiness are sometimes conflicting goals. I found I actually become happier when I persue a choice that leads to long-term happiness

6. Read by computer speech. This makes learning more convinient thus allowing me to stay focused longer. Reading with eyes require more energy than listening. I perfer auditory mode of learning to textual way of learning. However I do prefer visual way of learning. I now feel like I know how I learn the best and most efficient.

7. Realizing how suck I was compare to others in my age. Age of 23 is a time of great start for most of accomplishers. Especially people who found technological companies such as Bill Gages and Steven Jobs. I have realized that in order to be a great accomplisher, I need to do what I truely enjoy doing. In that sense, I need to find out for which rewards I feel the best.

8. Journaling. I decided to write a journal (time of writing "ONLY") after the evening shower. Evening shower is a time of reflection and after that, it's time to speak of my heart. So I think journaling before I sleep would make me feel that I am having an enriched life.

That's it. I have listed 8 parts of my accomplishments over this weekend. Weekend should be time of reflection relaxation and recommitment to my goals. I would call it 3-REs.

Now I am going to bed

I got a big day tomorrow and I'm going to sleep now.

It's 12:16am now and my expected time of getting up is precisely 7:00AM

I shall get up promptly and do some brief exercise, then go to washroom.

Then pack my lunch and pack my back and fix a breakfast and LEAVE

I shall arrive there by 8:30AM

I am going to bring my leather jacket since it's cold there.

Work will be fun and I will enjoy the fullest of every my working moment.

I love myself and others around and I deeply care for my surroundings. I would love to make a contribution and that's all that matters for my existence.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

Need for communication

I need a caring, quality communication.
I feel I am missing out a lot of good things in life. I also feel that my life is too imbalanced.

However what is positive about this is I notice the problem and I am trying to make it right. I need a relationship and I am using a free dating site (plentyoffish.com) to find girls I like.

Speaking of finding girls I like, she has to be compatible. Who am I compatible with? Kind, caring, and feminine. Femininity is pretty important in girls. A lot of girls I encounter in daily life aren't particulary feminine at all. They are too masculinized. Maybe north america in general is masculine. But I value feminity a lot and I like a girl who is feminine.

I know what I want in my girl friend. Thus I am sure I will be able to find one pretty soon. I am focused and my language is positive. Tomorrow is going to be a better day and I am going to put an end to today.

Good night.